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November 30th, 2009
11:33 am - only 6 more till 30
My 24th Birthday:
12:00 AM - closed my eyes awaiting my presents from David.
12:01 AM - Opened my eyes to see I Love You Man placed in my hands. woo!
12:02 AM - closed my eyes again to await my second present from David
12:03 AM - Opened my eyes to see the ENTIRE set of Harry Potter in Hard Cover FROM Britain in my hands. Ridiculously excited... started crying... Very pleased.
1:30 AM - after David finished Laundry went back to my place to go to sleep.
11:00 AM - woke up, showered and went to Minnetonka to go out to lunch with my parents.
12:30 PM - Lunch at the Gold Nugget
2:30 PM - Back at my apartment painting and waiting for David and the game to start.
3:00 PM - Watched the Vikings game and painted... nothing super exciting since we won by an awful lot
7:00 PM - Dinner at Khan's Mongolian Barbeque with friends! Ordered a free drink since it was my birthday. They messed up and brought me the wrong one so I got TWO free drinks! Probably only drank the equivalent of 3/4 of one drink since... I am me.
9:00 PM - Back home watching Season 4 of the Office with David and Rachel, freezing since my heat doesn't work.
11:30 PM - Bed time in my freezing apartment!
A very nice birthday to say the least. Next year I want to go to Space Aliens Bar and Grill.
Current Music: Romeo and Juliet - the Brown Derbies
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November 25th, 2009
11:51 am
I am less sad than I was a week ago. This is good.
The road to rebuilding a friendship after a traumatic and stressful experience is hard. But hopefully it works out.
2 long nights of arguing weren't very fun but I think that progress is being made which is all I care about.
My birthday is Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would very much like to go to Paris again.
I am having a housewarming/birthday party next weekend! I'm really excited. I've been sort of... needing to be surrounded by Lots of people who I know. After being isolated for so long I'm really excited for this party. Hopefuly I laugh a lot. I watched bloopers from the Office yesterday and literally just laughed and laughed and laughed all afternoon. I miss hanging out with friends and playing games and being loud and obnoxious and laughing. Like... the laughing hysterically, laughing so hard that you are literally crying and can't even stop long enough to give your smiling muscles a break.
Money. Money sucks. Who wants to give me some?
Current Location: work
Current Music: Memphis in the Meantime
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November 16th, 2009
12:36 pm
I don't really know who reads this. I don't really care. I hope that someone does because it would be nice to know that my thoughts are being heard rather than just repeated to myself.
I have wanted to post, in detail, about the divorce and what's been happening and how it happened and how my life has completely changed. But I haven't becuase it's 'Private' (but really... have I ever been private about anything?). Because it's not just my life but his too. However, I think the Upside of sharing is the support you find from it. So without sharing what's happening I dont' have that. I feel very much alone.
So at long last I'm breaking my 'silence' and I will say this
Tonight I have to say goodbye to Colin before he goes to Korea on Thursday. I've been crying about it for weeks. I know that we're divorced. I know that it's because of me. I know that almost everyone is saying 'well if you still love him then why did you divorce him?' but it's not that simple. It is what it is and it sucks. And I did what I had to and it sucks. But him leaving is like cutting the final thread that was keeping us united in any way. He's now going off on the adventure that we were supposed to embark upon together.
I spent this morning before work crying and throwing up. I cried all morning while getting ready. I cried all the way out to my car and didn't stop until I was scraping the frost from my windows, too irritated with the weather to be emotional. Thank goodness work has been crazy busy.
I can't listen to the Last 5 Years soundtrack anymore. All that happens is I'm singing along, happily enjoying the piano and wordy-songs, and then all of a sudden I'm crying and sobbing.
I have full expectations that tonight will be awful and dramatic and... probably one of my worst nights since those few weeks after the initial decision was made.
It's times like this when I wish I lived in Morris. When I wish I had choir to distract myself, to completely surround myself with music. When I wish I had dance ensemble to run and dances to choreograph, to completely drench myself with sweat and exhaustion. But mostly I wish I was in Morris becuase then I would have the network of friends that I had. My neighbors next door or across the pit, the 2nd street beer society.
Friends, I need you now. Let's all move back to Morris, get drunk, go to Jose's, wake up the next morning and go to Don's.
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November 10th, 2009
01:44 pm - Forgiveness
Forgiveness is something I think I'm pretty good at. Granted... in order for forgiveness to happen I have to yell about it for a while first... but then forgiveness always follows. Also, in order for forgiveness to happen there has to be understanding. And in order for understanding to happen you have to get rid of stubbornness and egos and mental blocks and self-centeredness. And in order for Those to go away you just have to be a grown up. Or act like one.
So hopefully people have that ability because then things will go a lot smoother.
It's nice when friends come back to you
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November 3rd, 2009
11:57 am - New places, new job, new life
When the divorce happened there were 3 things I needed to do:
1. Get a job
2. Get an apartment
3. Have both things in time to move in and get the cats back from Colin before he leaves for Korea mid-November.
I have now done all of those things. :)
Moving in this past weekend was a little hectic since I didn't pack until the day I moved in. But having the wonderful friends I have everything worked out. David and I went out to dinner the so I got to see a little bit of the area. It's basically pretty sick. :) I'm right by Grand Avenue and Snelling so there is lots to do. There are still lots of things I need, like a desk, and a dresser, and paint on the walls, but I really like it. The shower drain doesn't drain very fast so I'm showering in a puddle of water but hopefully I can fix that. David and I figured out how to light the pilot light in the oven all by ourselves with minimal phone help from Devin. I'm figuring out where to put things, what I should put in my storage locker etc.
Colin comes tomorrow to drop the cats off as well as a shelf and 2 bedside tables that are mine. I'm unsure about how I feel about meeting him tomorrow. It will probably be the last time I see him before he leaves for a year. I'm unsure how I feel about that too. Once he brings those cats... then it's really the end. Which... is a hard realization to come to. I've said it before... but it's like I'm fine most of the time, until I'm reminded that I might not be.
But... I have a new job, I have a new home, my cats are coming home to me and eventually I will have all the furniture and decorating things I need to make my apartment less.... white looking. :)
It's like I have a whole new life.
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October 24th, 2009
12:37 pm - It's still not easy
The hardest thing about the divorce... is realizing (and being reminded) that Colin's life is no longer a concern of mine. After 5 years of knowing everything that's happening in his life... not having any idea is startling. I never think about it until I inadvertently hear something about him, for instance, his going away party. I don't care that it's happening, I knew it would be happening, I obviously knew I would not be invited... but hearing it from Tyler's mom rather than Colin was still a shock. But what can I expect? I certainly don't expect him to call me and tell me about the major plans of his life.
It's like... for the most part I'm fine. But then something like that happens and I'm reminded that I might not be.
But I am.
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October 22nd, 2009
11:20 am - Freedom
So today... this morning... was a big morning.
Joe... awful, manipulative, semi-abusive, controlling, possessive ex-boyfriend Joe... apologized.
I sent him a message on facebook just saying 'sending this to see what happens' and he wrote this back
depends on what you want to happen last time we talked you told me i was a horrible person (half right) and that you prefered to not have me be any part of your life. then your profile disappeared and i never heard from you again. honestly it makes me glad to see you contacted me. i am in Iraq right now doing the marine thing so contact is limited but i appreciate the message even though it was short. i hope that life is treating you as well as it is me and that maybe you have someone special who treats you like you deserve to be treated. by the way, i am sorry for how i was when we dated. i have grown up a lot, obviously and have always wanted to let you know that i manipulated you a lot because i was so psycho and i am very very sorry. i just hope you got all that you want out of life so far. any way hopefully this is what you were planning on and i dont freak you out by the gush of info. write back if you want.
And now I'm free. I didn't realize until I read that message how much control he and our relationship had over my life still. It's like... the clutches of our relationship were still holding onto me (pretty poetic huh?). But now that he's said that and he's admitted to what I always said he did... I don't have to worry anymore. Before, whenever I went anywhere there was always the fear or thought in the back of my mind that I could run into him. I used to tell Colin that if we ever saw Joe and had to talk to him, Colin wasn't my boyfriend. We would tell Joe he was someone else because I didn't want him to know anything about my life. Anything that would give him any sort of 'in' with me would just power his control over me. But not anymore.
I feel amazing. the only word I can use to really describe it is 'free'. I'm not afraid anymore. I'm not weighted down by this past anymore. It's not some sad story I have to keep telling. I feel like... now... magically... all my relationship issues and hangups that came from Joe are gone... even if they're not... I feel like they are.
5 years. I let him control my life for 5 years after we broke up. And now I'm free. Like that song in Footloose. :)
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October 20th, 2009
10:10 am - The Awkward
So since the divorce, things have definitely settled down. After weeks of waking up crying and throwing up and long conversations and staying up far too late... it's hardly a concern anymore.
In any other divorce... when you divorce your husband you also divorce his friends. Unfortunately... one of his friends happens to be the guy I'm seeing (they are no longer friends). On top of that... these friends are douchebags and made said boyfriend an ultimatum... either me or them. He never made a choice but opted to try to keep both. So we're together and pretty much all of his friends, but two, abandoned him and haven't spoken to him in months. I am definitely on everybody's hate list this year.
So Friday we saw Paranormal Activity and Guess who was Also seeing Paranormal Activity? David's friends! :/ So we're standing there facing each other and David's trying to see over my shoulder to stealthily figure out who else is there. Luckily there's only two of them and they're probably the most harmless of the group. So we go into the theater and they definitely see us since they're on the other side trying to find seats. We sit down and David texts Stoner saying 'lol awkward' and Stoner texts back something like 'i sees you' or something. Then Kal texts David asking if he's in there cuz he thought he saw him and he wants a hug after the movie. Awwwwkwardd!
So the movie was absolutely terrifying to me. I think my fists stayed clenched tightly around David's hand the entire 90 minutes. I recommend it to anyone who enjoys being scared to death. (Although there's a lot of down time to build up suspense... some people complained that it was stupid because all they did was watch people sleep on camera)
Movie ends, we go out and Kal jumps on David and then awkward conversatione ensues. I pretty much just stand there saying nothing because I know everybody hates me. I haven't seen Kal since before the divorce and last time I saw Stoner was the night before we left michigan when the divorce decision was made. The last time David saw Stoner was when the guys had a meeting to decide what to do with David and they all decided to abandon him. So it's pretty awkward. and by pretty awkward I mean painfully awkward... for me.
so then we're leaving and I start crying because I'm reminded of everything that David lost by choosing to be with me and how I royally screwed up not only my life but his too.
But when we were leaving Kal told David he would call him and said it was nice to see me. So things are slowly working their way back to normal. Sort of.
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October 13th, 2009
01:01 pm - back at a desk
So I recently became employed at a place in Cottage Grove. It's a small business but it is definitely growing. The position is more of an admin asst. position. My job is basically to keep everything organized and implement ways to keep things organized. It's a new manager and he basically tore everything down and is starting over. he fired everyone he thought was crap and hired everyone he thought was great! Apparently he really likes me. At our in person interview he said he purposely saved me for last because I was his favorite after our phone interview. So that's good! And he was explaining to one of his friends who stopped by, he rated everyone on a scale of 1 - 10 and I was the only 10!
The only downside of this job is that I'm the only one in the office... well not office. Room with a desk and computer and some bathroom models. (I work at a bath remodeling company). Literally... just me. But it's not too terribly bad. Today has been pretty slow, not a lot of phone calls etc. but the part time person comes in at 2 and Jake (my manager) spends time here too.
I Also! Got an apartment! I'm going tonight after work to sign the lease and pay my deposit etc! It's a place in Merriam Park (I've been saying Como Park but that's not right); hardwood floors, built in cabinets, lots of character. I am super excited! I can get my cats back and put all my stuff together and get a new bed and finally move! I will be living by myself for the first time in my life but.... I think it'll be okay.
I feel... relieved. I had a deadline of November 1st to get a job and an apartment and I have found both! I was so panicked before and now it's all gone! Now I just have to find a gym to join and then actually go which.... actually going might be harder than finding a job and an apartment. But! I am up to the challenge!
PS Went to morris for homecoming. Amazing how some things don't change like... the drunk townies at the bar, or the over-confident transfer student who thinks he'll get all the girls, or the freezing cold walk along 7th street....... and it's also amazing how some things do change... like the number of people you know at the bar, or how many drinks you can have before finally realizing you should stop, or how many people you don't know at house parties...... Last year I was so so sad to not be there but now... I think I'm okay with it.
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October 5th, 2009
11:49 pm
okay so.... What the Fuck
So last... week? yeah last week i got a call from this recruiter guy based in georgia. Not to be racist... but... he has a hispanic accent which... when you're a sales person you automatically sound like a douche bag because you're a sales person. Add a stupid sleezy spanish accent and you're Definitely a douche bag times a million. so I decided early on that this guy was a total tool. then he starts sales pitching me telling me how he's looking for people like me and him... outgoing, friendly, motivated... and I'm all like... wtf you dont' even know me bitch. shut the fuck up.
okay so after I sort of... bitch him out for a while I end up just being relatively nice and giving in and he sets me up with some interview with some fortune 500 company doing outside sales which... whatever.
okay so I have this interview lined up for tomorrow which is fine and I haven't had to talk to him at all which is... great cuz he's a douche bag. So...
I'm sitting around after the game and I get a text message. A Fucking text message.
'Julia - please review the resource packet for ur interview tomorrow at 915 am - I will call u tomorrow am before ur interview - thanks - michael - tbr group'.
Sent at 10:15 PM. Sent to me via Text message. On my cell phone. Sent to me sans punctuation and using stupid text jargon like 'ur' instead of your.
Since when is it okay to Text someone who isn't your friend or your professor who you text all the time or your colleague who you are close enough To text? It's completely imposing. It's completely unprofessional. It's completely... ridiculous.
As I explained to David... it's like Harry Potter. You don't just apparate into someones house because it's rude and it denies them the common courtesy of being able to turn you away. So instead you apparate outside their house... or down the street... or over the hill if you're at the burrow. You don't just... apparate into their living room. You give them the chance to acknowledge that you are coming and invite you in.
Texting is not any of that. Texting is pretty much apparating right into your lap. Or right into your bed when you're having sex. I mean what the fuck.
Generally... I like technology. I'm all for data plans and schedulers and alarms and google maps and whatever... but really........ Texting?
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October 4th, 2009
01:17 am
because I miss the communication we had in our little livejournal community... here is something should you happen to re-visit
life is.... full of surprises.
For the most part, things are good. For instance, today i went shopping and bought clothes I don't need... not good. But! I used my American Eagle visa card and received two FREE movie tickets to AMC theaters for using it!... good.
Sometimes things are not so good. For instance, I have to find a job so I can move into an apartment before November so I can get the cats from Colin's parents house before he leaves for Korea. I am currently temping full time at a job that I hate and working part time at DSW. i also have like 3 interviews lined up plus calls coming in for other temp jobs. It may Seem good... but it's not. I have so many things that are 'possibilities' that it's stressing me out that I can't commit to anything. So therefore.... I have no full time job that is stable and no apartment to move into because I have no income to support the apartment. Not good.
But.... things could be worse. A lot worse. And they're not. So this... is good.
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March 29th, 2009
10:59 pm - Hello LJ Friends. Where are you?
Life in a nutshell:
My body feels like it never sleeps. I take naps almost every day of the week and still fall asleep by 11 PM. Lately all my weekends have been busy so I don't get to sleep in. Today I woke up at 10:30 and dozed on the couch all day and never felt fully awake. It is a shitty feeling. I've been out of college for... almost a year and still really really miss being at Morris. Someone mentioned that Ferolyn (dance teacher and faculty advisor to DE) is retiring soon and wouldn't it be great if I took her place. It would be great. If it were possible and if Morris were a place I wanted to live. Dana and Devin are living in a house together in Wadena. They will be bachelors forever because there are not very many eligible bachelorettes out there. applied to a different program for Korea. Still waiting to hear back. We should be doing phone interviews soon. Started watching home videos from when I was little. So adorable. My new ringtone is a video of my sister when she was like 3 talking about getting a Korean dress from santa. Adorable. Seriously. Adorable.
I hate mondays and I've decided that I am not a fan of the family I nanny for. I will be glad when they move to Ohio in July. Although I will probably be the one packing up all the girls' things in preparation for the move which I don't believe is part of my job description.
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February 26th, 2009
06:03 pm - it's been a while old friend
I haven't posted since... I can't remember when... Christmas maybe? An update on my life:
Jobs: Part time nanny for an 8 yr. old and a 5 yr old Monday - Friday. I enjoy this job most of the time. It's hard because the parents are divorced so I'm going back and forth between houses. Neither house seems to have any rules and the parents baby their children, especially the youngest, a lot. The mom has a habit of still talking in baby-talk to her but then turns around reminds her to talk like a big girl. Meredith (the 5 yr old) has a habit of saying things like 'me book' instead of my book, 'me do it' instead if i'll do it. things like that. I'm trying (without much luck i might add) to break her of this habit by asking her to speak like a big girl until she speaks properly but any progress made is lost once I leave the house. Today that mom called me in telling me to 'watch my tone' with the girls because, even though I'm their nanny she wants me to be their friend. So... I don't know exactly what to do. I think the tone comes from me asking them to do something like get dressed or get their toothbrush ready a zillion times and they don't make any move to do so, then the 'tone' comes out. But if I am more 'nurturing' as the mom put it, they don't really listen so... who knows.
Working at the studio is, as always, a love-hate job for me still. I love the kids but my boss has.. issues. She made me answer a bunch of questions she had about the performance of a fellow teacher and then sort of... scolded me when I told her I felt uncomfortable doing so.
Marriage: Things are going well. It's hard not to see each other very often. We had a date night the other weekend. Went out to dinner and saw a movie. Came home and watched the last episode of Conan.
Fitness: I got a workout video the other day. I've owned it for 2 days and have successfully worked out with it each day which... seems like a big deal when it's generally difficult for me to get the ball rolling. My legs and butt are in a lot of pain from it but it seems like it will help. I am practically dripping in sweat when I'm done and it's only a 30 min. work out so I figure that's something. I started weight watchers again and am slowly getting into it. I've gone over my point limit by about 1-2 points every day since I started (Tuesday) but I figure I can ease myself into it and hopefully next week I can stop going over.
Future: Colin and I applied to teach English in Korea next year. Our applications were accepted and we have phone interviews in May. I am currently 'meh' about it. It's something Colin really wants to do and I do think that getting out of the country for a long period of time is something that we should, and I should do at one point in my life. Now seems like a good time, before we get too tied down to things. We both have jobs that we can leave and come back to if we want. We get to pick which age group we want to teach so I think I will teach the 2-4 yr olds because they are the cutest and are said to learn the most. I also am hoping that my strange asian-wariness will be less prominent with younger kids than with say... high schoolers.
Other: I got some games for Colin's Nintendo DS. It's a wonderful way to pass the time. We saw Gran Torino on our date night. I thought it was hilarious except for all the parts that the hmong kids were in because they are not very good actors. Oh well. They were not, however, as bad as Daniel Radcliffe so that's good. oh, and... it's snowing. a lot. And of course I'm driving to Morris tomorrow. Woo!
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December 4th, 2008
12:39 pm - Panic Button
oh my god.... I am actually starting to panic....
I had to borrow money from my parents to pay the rent... how terrible is that? Between rent and bills and insurance and now my loans... I have no money.... literally.
Oh... And it's Christmas.
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December 3rd, 2008
09:26 pm
So Dana's dad passed away last week which is... sad. Going to Wadena was a mixture of emotions. It was nice to see people but the circumstances were shitty. I'm glad I got to see Dana but again... different circumstances would have been nice. Piggy-backing on my last entry... really... what Do you say to someone who just lost their father?
I really have nothing to say except the usual: I'm poor, bored and having to pay back loans I don't have $ for. I recently brought home a basket and put it on top of the gigantic pile of stuff in our living room. Biscuit now sleeps in it every day. A biscuit in a basket. It's sickeningly adorable.
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November 30th, 2008
03:38 am - My Birthday day!
This was my birthday this year:
12:00 AM - Open gift from Colin, It is the 3-disc set of WallE!
12:05 AM - Watch special features of WallE DVD
2:00 AM - go to sleep
12:00 PM - Wake up
12:30 PM - go to parents' house with Colin, open present: money and shoes.
12:45 PM - Lunch at Applebees!
2:00 PM - Go home with parents, beg Mom to do Ear Candles to get wax out of my ear
2:30 PM - Shooting, excrutiating pain in my ear and I start screaming and crying
2:45 PM - go to clinic to get ear looked at, they find nothing... still don't know what happened
4:00 PM - Go home to Colin and veg out for a while
5:00 PM - Go to Rachel's to see her sister who made a surprise visit from Texas, get ready for birthday dinner!
7:15 PM - Leave 15 minutes late for birthday dinner
7:45 PM - Arrive 15 minutes late for dinner at Benihana's but have a great meal with great friends nonetheless
9:30 PM - Return to Rachel's house for drinks and games! Woo!!!
1:30 AM - no longer my birtthday but most of us go to my apartment for more hanging out time.
3:00 AM - Friends leave, here with my loving husband and crazy cats.
Infinately better than last year when I was made to make that ridiculous Frosty the Snowman thing for Carol Concerts, cried because of stress in the parking lot of Bello Cucina
23 is boring.
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November 29th, 2008
11:57 am - a Sad Thanksgiving
What do you say to someone who's just lost their father? Regardless of if it was something they knew was coming or if it was a surprise, what do you tell someone who's lost someone so close to them? Generally you say that you're sorry for their loss and whatever you can do to let you know but somehow... when the person who lost their father is 23 years old and a friend.... there are no words.
This is one of those times where I wish we hadn't graduated yet and we all still lived in Morris... everyone is so separated that we can't all rally around him and be there for him. We have to settle for voicemails and facebook messages and passing the word along. He asked me to spread the word for him because I'm his Queen Bee, something he always called me in Choir because I seemingly knew everyone. I felt very moved when he asked me to do this... it gives me something to do and something to do for him and his family.
In other news... Jurassic Park 3 is a terrible movie.
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November 26th, 2008
04:25 pm
here is an excerpt from a message I wrote a friend via facebook. I realized after writing it that, where it was meant to be a happy update of my life, it ended up being more of a complaining rant about my life which I find much more suitable for livejournal. :)
Married life is about the same as non-married life except we are much poorer. Actually... poor is a great understatement. I have literally... $13.39 in my checking account and that is all the money I have in the world. Sad right? Well next month I start paying my loans back which is like $500 a month... plus rent plus bills plus just... living? Yeah... we're poor. Life after college sucks. Never graduate. And if you Do graduate, have a job lined up immediately that pays well and has benefits. I cannot stress this to you enough. Seriously. it sucks.
So now it's just me and Colin and our two cats, Bomber and Biscuit (we got Biscuit the Monday after the wedding, she is still very small) in our tiny 1-bedroom apartment in Excelsior. It's not so bad... but again... being poor sort of overshadows anything else going on in your life.
I'm working at Deanne's Dance Studio as a receptionist which is sometimes fun and sometimes terrible. Minnetonka-moms are the worst sometimes. Almost as bad as Minnetonka-girls who, I am discovering, can be very cruel and mean sometimes.
As I said earlier, life after college sucks. I feel like my life has no purpose because... it doesn't really. UMM brought a plethora of activites and outlets for my controlling, organizing and sometimes creative behavior whereas the 'real-world' brings me nothing. So I started taking piano lessons again and am jumping into one of the dance classes at the studio whenever I can. I miss choir, I miss Dance Ensemble, I miss Bello Cucina and Jose's. I am hoping that eventually my life will have More meaning and I won't feel quite so worthless. Not that I'm depressed just... frustrated and somewhat disappointed.
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October 18th, 2008
08:30 pm - life surprises
well I got called for Jury duty. And then I was selected for a criminal case. So now I'm on the jury for a criminal case. This involves driving downtown and parking every day. It involves going into the courtroom where everyone is standing for the jurors and being referred to as 'honorable jury' and 'good jurors'. Our judge is wonderful. He is like the guy from 'A mighty wind' and 'best in show', the timid bald, short man with glasses... our judge is like that but with hair. he is hillarious.
Being on a trial is... strange and somewhat surreal. It's like I'm watching a TV show that I am going to be quizzed on so I have to pay attention very carefully. So far it hasn't been very difficult in terms of content but we've only been in session for 2 days.
there is a guy on jury with me who I adore. He is 26 (the next youngest juror to me) and lives in s. minneapolis. We seem to have lots in common which is nice, plus it's just nice to have someone to hang out with who isn't old enough to be my parent or grandparent.
I don't really have much else to say. The trial has sort of taken precedence over my life. Today we carved pumpkins though with friends which was fun. I forget what it's like to have lots of people over. and now biscuit is here to watch me type on the screen so I should go before she starts attacking the monitor.
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October 7th, 2008
10:35 pm - Back to a home I don't have anymore
Well I went to Morris this weekend for homecoming.
I was elated to be back for various reasons. It was an eventful weekend and I got to see people that I really wanted to see (Zach, Bennett, Josie etc.) and sing with the choir and sit in on rehearsal and feel like I lived there again.
Unfortunately I felt like I lived there again but I don't. Devin was (of course) running late for the concert so I helped him get his cuff links and suspenders and stuff and we drove together to HFA... just like we used to. Except I wasn't running late myself, just early for the concert. Once I got home I realized how much I really wish I still went there. I think it all has to do with the fact that I have nothing to do here and don't really have a lot of friends near me to hang out with. In 3 days I saw a zillion people that don't even live in Devin's house. I miss having people around and I miss being able to just show up and watch Entourage (or watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall 3 times in 2 days... which is exactly what happened).
Ken said he needs someone to organize the carol concerts. I said that I am no longer in choir so it's not my problem. But I wish it was. I was talking with Zach about the popcorn concert and what they're doing. They're doing Seize the Day and Can You Hear the People Sing and I So badly wish I was doing them! I told Zach that I would totally come back just to choreograph for Seize the Day.
I hate not being in morris. life after college sucks. I feel like I'm in 'Avenue Q' only without the musical element.
It's also interesting to see who your friends are after college and who isn't. I never would have guessed that I would miss Zach as much as I do or that I wouldn't care to see some of the people I thought I would. It's like when you graduate from high school, you discover who are you real friends and who the people are that you were just friends with out of necessity and proximity.
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